Friday, May 07, 2010
My Dear, Sweet Husband
Trey and I are so much alike, but also so different. And that is a good thing. Since Nate's passing, Trey has been able to handle things I just couldn't bear to do, and I have been able to do things that he couldn't do. Luckily, we both agreed on the decision to let Nate go. No more suffering or struggling. It was the hardest decision we've ever had to make, but neither of us regret it. It was right and it was time. And we got to say goodbye and be with him when he took his last breath.
Right after Nate passed, as we were laying there with him. I had to get up. To me, Nate was gone. He was an Angel and I couldn't bear it anymore. I just went to the corner and cried like I never have cried before. Uncontrollably. Trey continued to lay with him and talk with him. Then he asked the nurse if he could give Nate a bath. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to leave, to me Nate was gone. But I stayed and watched him gently give Nate his last bath (something Nate loved - his baths). I cried and told Trey I was sorry I couldn't do it with him. But he said, Jennifer you bathed him every day, it's okay, I want to do this, out of respect for Nathan. I'm just in awe of him. All I wanted to do was leave, but when we did leave, all I wanted to do was go back and pick up Nate and run out with him. I felt like I was abandoning him, leaving him behind. But, it's not him, just his physical being. I had to keep reminding myself of that. And I couldn't bathe him and wanted to leave because I wanted my memories to be of him smiling and laughing and alive. I just couldn't handle it, but thank God Trey could and Trey did all those things I couldn't do.
Another example of that is the viewing and getting Nate's body dressed and ready to be put to rest. Trey wanted to make sure he looked "like he normally does". He just had to make sure before the viewing that it looked like our Nate. Again, this is something I just could not do. So, Trey went to the funeral home and made sure he was dressed in his Spongebob T-shirt, navy shorts, navy crocs, was holding his puppy (with only one ear) that he has had with him since the day he was born, and a blanket that Nurse Jenny made for him. He told me he looked like an Angel, and I didn't doubt it. He always looked like an Angel. I am so thankful that Trey did these things for me and for Nate.
Another example of what a wonderful, sweet Dad Trey is - he would say prayers every night with Nate before bed. I saw him praying to Nate the night he passed, and he has prayed the same prayers every night since he has passed.
Trey has been able to take Owen into Nate's room to talk to Nate. He's taught Owen how to say I love you to Nate's spirit. They have played on his bed. I have been able to do this a little bit, but not so much yet. In time, it will come. But for Trey, these are moments he treasures. I treasure them as well, but now from afar, as I just can't handle that yet.
So, let me say a big THANK YOU to my husband, Trey, who is the best Father on the planet!