Life is slowly changing

It's been a tough couple of weeks. Of course, the dreaded thing you have to do when you lose a loved one is figure out what to do with all of their stuff, clothes, medical equipment in our situation, furniture, and our handicap van. And then, there's Nate's room. Oh, I how I love Nate's room. Definitely the funnest and coolest room in the house. Owen loved Nate's room as well. He spent a lot of time in there. So, with all of these changes we were faced with, we decided to take on the easiest ones first.

First was all of Nate's medical supplies like meds, syringes, catheters, diapers, special formula, etc etc. We decided to donate all of this to medical missions through our church. We did this awhile ago and the lady was very grateful. All of the stuff about filled her van!

Second, was selling the van. I know it's a handicap van, but I loved this van. I was very attached to the van because it was really "Nate's van". Very special to me. At first we contacted the place we bought it from and thought about selling it back to them. Then Trey put the word out if anyone needed one. Through a friend at work we were contacted by a couple who is caring for their elderly parents, one of whom is wheelchair dependent. They have been having to take public transportation and never went anywhere but the dr.'s office. After a few visits, and a test drive with the parents (they loved being out and about, other than the dr.'s office), we made a deal. We are so happy that Nate's van is being put to good use and we know where it is and it's improving somebody's quality of life!

Of course, Nate's clothes are still all hanging in his closet, because it won't be too long until Owen is fitting into all of them, so we will leave them there.

Nate's room was a hard one. Couldn't think about this for awhile. Trey and I thought maybe a reading room, somewhere quiet where we can reflect and read, etc. Also thought about an exercise room, since Nate couldn't move his muscles, a way to honor him was to be healthy and work out. Then, it hit me. I really don't want to change Nate's room. Nate's room is a fun room, and it's perfect for a little boy. Perfect for Owen to play. We moved the hospital bed and all of the shelving with medical equipment, out into the garage and pretty much just moved stuff around. We moved all of Owen's toys from the living room and middle room to Nate's room. I LOVE IT! And Owen is so excited. He plays in there all the time. And now I go in there all the time! I know Nate is smiling down on us having fun and laughing in his room and enjoying it the way he did. I have attached pics on the post below.

Nate's major equipment (suction machine, nebulizer, cough assist, and bipaps) are still here at the house. Not sure if we are going to donate them to MDA or SMA. Still waiting on that. Also, there are his wheelchairs. I have some contacts here in Tulsa through Nate's old therapists, and hopefully we can find somebody who can really use these chairs and Nate can "pay it forward". There is a possibility we will donate these to MDA or SMA also. Not sure yet.

Nate's headstone should be ready soon. I've only been out there once since Trey and I were there with Owen and it was very difficult. We will definitely go when his marker is out and take pictures. It's going to be beautiful. It has three of our favorite pictures etched in it.

I know in my last post I was talking about this hole and emptiness, which is still and will always be there. Some of you mentioned maybe volunteering or adopting. Yes, Trey and I have thought about a lot of different things. I know I will be giving back in some way to honor Nate and to give back the gift that Nate gave me, which is a love for special needs kids. I just don't know when and what that will be. Time will tell. God will lead me.

Friday, Owen and I have been invited to Nate's kindergarten "Class reunion" at a splash park. I'm so excited to see all of Nate's friends and hopefully Mrs. Lacy, Nate's teacher, will be there. But I'm also worried I'm going to break down balling my eyes out. That was such a special time for Nate and the kids were so sweet, and some of them even came to his service. But, I know I will keep it together for their sake, and be strong. Then when I leave, I'll probably lose it! But Nate would want me to go see his friends again and tell them hello from him and how much they all meant to him and that's what I'm going to do!

Trey and I are headed to Vegas this weekend and I'm a little nervous leaving Owen. But I'm sure things will be fine and hopefully Trey and I can enjoy ourselves. It's going to be hard because Nate's 7th birthday is on Tuesday, August 3rd, and we will be in Vegas. But it doesn't matter where we are, special birthday wishes, kisses are prayers are heard from anywhere!!!

That's it for now. Thanks for checking in and I'll post more about our trip, Nate's class reunion and Nate's 7th b-day next week.

Jennifer