Monday, May 31, 2010

Nate's Grave Site

A couple of pics of his bench and grave. There's a nice fountain in the background, and you can hear the water. Nate loved the water. We didn't stay long yesterday because Owen was all over the place. We'll go back by ourselves when the marker is ready and take pics of that.
I have a really hard time at his grave. I don't feel comfortable there yet. I know his body is there underground and I want to dig him up and see him again. I know that sounds so weird and creepy. It's easier for me to talk to him in his room or anywhere at the house, because I'm talking to his spirit, to him as an Angel. At his grave, I know his body is there and it's so hard!!!! His body underground, that's just not right!!! But that's how it is with everyone who passes away, so why am I not able to deal with this aspect of it???? At home, his body is not here, it's easier to accept him being an Angel and a spirit. At his grave, he's there! I just can't handle it! But, I have to. I just have to.


Lucy and Ethel said...

Jennifer, Nathan's bench is beautiful!

One of the hardest parts for me after the service (which was THE worst) was thinking that Jeffrey's body was in the ground, especially when it was it was chilly and rainy when he died. My one consolation was that at least he was on OUR little mountain, but I quickly countered that with 'but he's up there by himself!' (not exactly; there's an old cemetery a few feet away with a 5-month old baby girl). I simply had to stop thinking about it because it was unbearable.

It helps immensely that I can walk up and visit his site whenever I want. It also helps immensely - even after almost 13 years - that I KNOW his spirit is right here, not confined to the mountain top.

The grieving process is rough and excruciating for a long time. I'm so glad Nathan is generous with his signs, because THAT helps immensely, too.

As does Owen :)


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Unicyclerose said...

What a painful truth to accept. I am sorry you have had to undergo such a huge loss. Nathan is at peace.....

Anonymous said...

Jennifer and Trey,
Just sitting here and praying for you all. Wondering how Owen is doing. God Bless all 3 of you and sending hugs and kisses up to Nathan.
Thanks to the Bisch family, I have been following you, praying for you, loving and cheering you on for a long time.
Jenny in Atlanta

Shannon and Carey said...

Hi Jen,
The bench is absolutely gorgeous. I find myself thinking of Nate often. Thank you for sharing Nate's story while I was in town and giving us a tour. It was so peaceful. I wanted to let you know that. And tell Owen thanks for the tour of his little room. What a little sweetie.